She needs him
And she wants him, a lot
But needing someone is neither beautiful nor romantic
It’s fucking painful
But she embraces the pain
He knows how to paint a smile on her face
Make her laugh until her stomach hurts
But what he doesn’t know is
Sometimes his words carves the pain in her chest
His silence digs a hole in her heart
And she cries her heart out at night
Whilst blaming herself
For all the mess that happened between them
She tells herself that the next day
The sun will come up
And she will eat her breakfast
And she will drink her coffee
Sadly, things sometimes don’t go as planned
She wakes up the next morning,
Again, tears rolls down her cheeks
She hates herself for being weak
She hates herself for being not good enough
She is tired of doubting whether people are coming or going
Still, she is hoping that he would stay
She would rather be hurt by him than be loved by anyone else
She keeps telling herself that she’s okay
Whilst her heart bleed continuously
She knows that she was doping herself a shit-full of lies
Yet she chooses to drown and bleed without him knowing it
She doesn’t know how to love herself
but she really does love him wholeheartedly and blindly
And even if it hurts, she would do it all again in a heart beat
kickat 