Thursday, May 24th 2018
10:40 PM

She was staring at her laptop. blankly. A random upbeat song plugged her ears, blocking her from the noise that came from the people around her. The place was quite crowded, just like every other night. As usual, she was just there, in the middle of the crowd, pretending to pay attention whilst her mind lost somewhere as well as her soul. She was trapped inside the darkest, coldest place you can never imagine.

She took a piece of plain black chopstick that she brought from her place, using it to pull her hair in a bun. She then stared at her laptop, again, still blankly, and gritted her teeth. The thought of the betrayal suddenly came into her mind. Over and over again. She was holding the urge to punch the guy behind her. The guy that betrayed her for God knows how many times. The guy that she thought she loved the most.

Sunday, May 20th 2018
07:20 PM

She was packing her bag before she went back to her place. A beep sound came from her phone. A text from that guy, finally, after he ignored her texts for the whole day. As she read the text, a frown was drawn on her forehead. Her heart pounded hard as her face turned red. Clearly, the text wasn’t pleasing. He was angry all of the sudden, telling her to stop texting his stupid friend and stop making trouble.

“What the actual fuck?” she mumbled.

It brought her back to 4th of January 2018, when the betrayal started, again. It was months ago, but the pain remains. It was the day she met that guy after a not-so-long holiday. She was excited yet annoyed as she remembered what happened on the new year’s eve. She spent her NYE in her room, doing some stupid assignments. Not hers, his. On the other side, that guy was in his hometown, spending his NYE with his friends and some cheap whores they met at a cafe. He promised a few days ago, in the name of God, not to play around with some girls. A broken promise that broke her already broken heart into smallest pieces. She was angry, sad, and disappointed. She was about to terrorize that guy with a bunch of angry texts and voice notes, but instead, she just curled up into a ball and cried her heart out silently so her mum could not hear her crying.

Wednesday, January 3rd 2018
09:18 PM

She was texting with that guy. He asked her to meet him, out of the blue. He was miles away from her, besides it was late at night and surely her mum would not allow her. So, it wasn’t possible. He said he missed her so much and was feeling guilty about everything that he has done to her, including breaking his promise to her. The guilty texts slowly melted her heart, but still, her mind insisted not to forgive him. At the end of the day, she stupidly decided to follow her heart as then he promised again. Still, the same kind of promise that she knew it will be broken, sooner or later.

Friday, January 5th 2018
05:05 PM

She cried as she was on a video call with that guy. He said he will come to their place to meet her but then he will only spend a couple of hours and go with his friend to another town. A girl. He explained that the girl is a lesbian and she asked him to accompany her to meet another girl that she was dating. And she paid him, just for accompanying her. It did not make any sense, but she pretended to believe him. After a couple hours of crying and waiting, he finally came up with a tomboy kind of girl behind him. He hugged her as she greeted him and that girl. That girl forced a smile whilst still looking down into the floor. That weird, suspicious gesture made her believe that something was off.

After a couple of chit-chats, it was finally time for them to go to another town. She then gripped his hand and told him, “This time, I will give you another chance to prove your promise. Show me that you are a man of his words,” he then nodded and hugged her tightly.

Saturday, January 6th 2018
01:12 PM

No words from him. His phone was off the whole day until he texted her at night, saying he was sleeping the whole day and forgot to charge his phone. She knew he was lying.

Sunday, May 20th 2018
03:05 PM

She was checking her fake social media account and found out there was a new message from someone, the girl that was deceived by that guy and the tomboy girl. At that time, she was not aware yet that she was being deceived until that very second. It was months ago since that betrayal, she ignored the message a couple times but that girl insisted her to answer the message. That girl kept asking questions. So, she told her everything, the truth. She explained that months ago, she eventually found out that some tomboy girl used her man’s identity to deceive that girl, pretending to be her boyfriend and all. She also told the girl that her man was paid only to meet her, to made her believe that it was really him that texting her that whole time, whilst actually it was a freak, shameless, coward girl using the man’s identity. She told her that she was also being lied by them. She also provided the girl with some evidence, to show the girl that the man was really her boyfriend, for almost a year.

She apologized for everything she said, as it might hurt the girl. In the end, she offered her peace and that girl accepted it, even the girl asked her to be her friend. They were not exactly ‘friends’ but well, at least they were not enemies.

08:14 PM

She went into a small argument with the guy, but it was settled after only a few minutes. Apparently, it seemed like the girl texted the shameless coward, telling that prick that she was texting with the man’s real girlfriend, and probably sending screenshots of their messages. She probably asked the prick if that was true, that she was being deceived.

The shameless deceiver then told the guy that his girlfriend is messing with her and making troubles. That was why he was angry with his girlfriend. But then maybe he realised it himself, that it wasn’t his girlfriend’s fault at all, so they settled the argument.

Friday, May 25th 2018
12:31 AM

That betrayal kept haunting her. She forgave the guy anyway, even though he never asked for her forgiveness at all. But then, she would never forget it her whole life. What about his friend, the tomboy girl? Ah, that person was one of her ‘never forgive’ lists. That prick started this shit, and when that prick got what she deserved, she blamed her for everything, for spilling the truth, for being honest. Instead of apologise, that prick decided to try to ruin the relationship between the guy and his girlfriend.

At this point, she would not hesitate to do a revenge, to make sure that the prick gets what she really deserved.

12:47 AM

I keep holding my tears. If I was in my room, I would probably cry my heart out over the stupid betrayal. It hurts, so fucking bad that I could probably force you to watch me kill that friend of yours in front of your eyes.

Just so you know, what hurts me the most is the fact that neither you nor your fucking shameless deceiver friend, admits that what you both did was wrong, let alone ask for a forgiveness. All I need is that you and that stupid coward to admit that you both were wrong and apologize, to me and to that girl that you both been deceived.

I only forgive you because I still have some feelings left in the bottom of my heart. And you, self-serving prick, if we ever meet again, do not fucking dare to breathe in front of me.

I am deeply disappointed and lost my faith in humanity. People like her made it hard to be a nice person in this world.



Ray of Sunshine

I still remember how it exactly feels; drowning in hopelessness, gasping for air, screaming my lungs out, hoping that someone would hear me and pull my body. But then I realised, those who heard my voice decided to walk away and let me drown. Some of them even smiled. In other words, I was helpless and on my own.

I started to give up and let the demon win, until I heard a familiar voice whispered, “Please stay for one more night, hold my hands and I’ll be here with you. We are in this together.”

I got startled at first, but in a matter of second, my weak body found its strength back bit by bit and slowly but sure, those hands pulled me out of the sea of sorrow. Last thing I remember, I found myself sitting in the corner of my room, feeling cold and bitter, but at the same time I was relieved. “You saved me, you saved us. You did it!” said the familiar voice. I looked at her, she was soaked wet and pale. Her bluish lips drew a smile, and it warmed my heart. There was no blanket, but I felt really warm. I cried my heart out and buried my face in my pillow.

After hours of crying, I finally stopped. I managed to stand up, looking in the mirror. She was there, her tear stained face smiled at me. I smiled back at her and we both chuckled. “I am always here for you, you know that. And I love you to death,” she said with a cracked voice. I nodded and smiled, “I know, I’m sorry. And thank you for everything. Goodbye now, see you in the morning,” I said as I walked into the bathroom to wash my face.

After all, she is the one who could keep my mind off the edge. People come and go like season, but she stayed. She is the light in every dark tunnel I was trapped in. She is the bonfire that warmed me up in every starless night. She is my ride or die, my ray of sunshine. She is me. I am my ray of sunshine.

And I believe, in every darkest day of our lives, there will be a ray of sunshine. It could be anyone, but one thing for sure, you are your own ray of sunshine.



The man stood in front of her gate

“Please let me in,” he asked her

He declared that he came in peace

and not looking for war


So she opened the gate

let him in

but never lay down her sword

Just in case




In the middle of that rainy night

all the words that

carved the pain in her chest

came all the way back to her head


The picture of his face

brought back those bitter memories

made of tears, bruises,

and pain


That night she cried in silence

whilst those words stabbed her

over and over

Punched her until she felt

every inch of her body bruised





In the middle of a starless night

she walked along the seaside

Sea breeze touched

her tear-stained face


In the middle of that starless night

she merged her soul into the sea

and let its cold arms

drag her to a colder place